Well, we are still here so it is that time again to reminisce about the shittiness of the past year while engaging in futile speculation on how the coming year won’t be a festering boil on the anus of history. On the bright side, the world didn’t end and the alien colonization of Earth was foiled, possibly by two plucky federal agents and with any luck will provide the basis for an upcoming movie.
We had a presidential election which lead to some annoying political ads and some great Stewart, Colbert, and Bill Maher. Unfortunately, I voted for Martin Sheen. Curiosity did what the Total Recall remake refused to do and got it’s ass to Mars. I have yet to hear about the rover’s feline massacre. Hurricane Sandy was a real bitch, though I was lucky enough to experience little more than rain and fast winds, no flooding or power outages. Windows 8 came out to deafening yawns. I have a feeling that Windows 7 will be the next XP. Lastly, LucasFilms was purchased by Disney. While at this point, I really don’t care about Star Wars, I have a feeling that this will spell doom and gloom for their lesser-known properties like Monkey Island and the LucasArts adventure games, or even Indiana Jones. It probably puts the kibosh on Star Wars 1313, a Republic Commando sequel or a revival of Battlefront.
We lost some great people including three astronauts. We said goodbye to that magnificent bastard Neil Armstrong, First american woman in space, Sally Ride, and Space Shuttle Commander Alan G Poindexter. This will be the first year since 1972 that Dick Clark won’t be hosting the New Year’s Eve celebration (OK, except for 2005). We gave a fond farewell to the Composer Joel Goldsmith, son of the late, great Jerry Goldsmith is know for doing the music to the Stargate TV shows. Speaking of musicians, we also lost Eduard Khil, singer of the viral “I Am Very Glad That I Finally Am Returning Home” which has become an anthem for the internet trolls. Science Fiction author, Ray Bradberry will be missed. Richard Dawson is now cracking wise with Gene Rayburn, Charles Nelson Reilly, Brett Somers, and Gary Burghoff’s Career. Lastly departing, was Ernest Borgnine, sailer and writer of inappropriately dark and graphic childrens books.
For movies, there was over two and a half hours of Batman getting his ass handed to him, The Passion of the Bat. We had a semi-prequel to Alien, a new Tarantino flick, a cool time travel film, the Avengers movie, and a George Lucas cash-in that is the perfect vehicle for a great new Mr. Plinket commentary track (totally worth the $1.99 for the Boss Nass bit alone). For TV, I loved the new Aaron Sorkin show, The Newsroom. It was a great followup to one of my favorite shows, The West Wing. Onion News Network came back for a final season only to be shot down by IFC. I also enjoyed this season’s Always Sunny, Boardwalk Empire, Game of Thrones, Louie, and Mad Men.
Finally in video game news, the big story was the launch of the Wii U. I think it is a good successor to the Wii. While I doubt it will remotely compete with the next-gen Playstation and Xbox in terms of power, It will hopefully bring with it a nice slew of first party games, as well as some decent third party support. Nintendo Land was fun, especially with other players and Scribblenauts wasn’t too bad either. Miiverse was probably one of the best parts. I loved the hijacked Rabbids community (AKA the Dafoeverse). Mass Effect 3, despite being held hostage to EA’s Origin service, and less than ideal ending was fun. Kid Icarus was good, despite the horrible control scheme. Civilization V: Gods and Kings added more fun to an already addictive game. Regardless of the difficulty, Quantum Conundrum was a great experience of puzzles and John DeLancie. Torchlight 2 was blatantly better than Diablo 3. There was also the extremely difficult, Roguelike strategy game, FTL. My favorite game of the year was probably Retro City Rampage, the indy open-world sandbox love note to the 80’s.
All-in-all, I say, “Fuck You” to 2012. I’ll see you in 2013!